cf_rocks bigtime

you know. i don;t know what to feel at the moment.
I wrote before about having a baby ..but now with all tha paperwork going on to get our permanent residence. I can''t go on with the first part.
We have to do a medical test including x-ray's which means if I might be preggy I can't do that test..means wait till the baby will be born..And that's not a good idea.so back to the pil. bah.. on one hand.. on the other hand it feels strangly peasefull knowing that I won;t be preggy for some time. when is the time right for trying anyways.
ah  we'll see first things first.. be an almost canadian.
last week I got my workpermit. so a new challenge comes up here.
I probably can get a job in working with mentally challenged people. but after rethinking that it scares the hell out of me..really.. don't know if I will be a good coach on these people that do have a job in local stores. maybe for the time being I would be better of driving a taxi or something. anything to do on my own sounds better as doing it together with more coaches. all in all I have to find a job anyways. and hopefully I'll get to save some money to go to take a course later on in editing. I do have to convince hubby to move to Kelowna, BC  to do it.. hopefully it will work out. but untill then..work save money and get those damn papers done.,

and something on the sideline but interesting i think. I've started writing a book. an adventurous story where animals are the main caracters..and they will have to conquer all sorts of challenges.
can't tell to much yet.  plus that it is written in Dutch.. might translate it sometime in the future. but for now Dutch is still easier to deal with.

C.

you know sometimes there is just one of those days that all seems to go wrong or in a tough way.
actually for me i think it already started yesterday..
I wanted to find a jacket for a wedding and I found noting.. one is too big the other too small.I guess I don't have a regular sized body.
then after that part of the frustration I got home and got stuck on my own driveway for christ sake, it was turned into nothing but ice..and it goes up a bit..so I hit the brakes and the car just slid down..grr.. ok time for some tougher action and I put my car on 4x4 low..hit the gas and up I went..am glad I made it to the top.
this morning I had to try to clean the driveway so my husband can get up there.he doesn't have 4x4..well I used my axe and a shovel but cutting through 5 cm of ice isn't funny.. and well didn't really work..so we have to wait and see what will happen when he comes home tonight..

then I went for a walk with the dogs and I have to step over some barbwire..never got any problems with it, untill today.. yeah right I cut open my jeans, my presious jeans i love to wear so much...crap...
all the others offcourse are getting washed so now I have to wait till the dryer is ready before I can do my grocery shopping..
I wonder if I should go at all..after all  this in a few hours.... then again I really need to go..
and I rather go now, as going with hubby tomorrow..that all takes time of our time together..

just one of those days you better just stay in bed before you get hurt..grr

one good thing happened yesterday. I got my papers in for my workpermit and for the permanent residence YAY! we only have to wait for the policereports from holland and then everything is ready to be send off..
then the waiting begins again..

C

A few weeks ago I went to see a doctor here in the for us new country, I thought it might come in handy actually having a doctor out here.
So a few weeks ago I went over there to get new birthcontrol pills..but the weekend before we figured that we might as well give it a chance to get pregnant..as I said before, no more excuses and we'd love to have a kid some day..
I made an appointment with the doctor for the 2 of us for a "normal" check-up, I thought you might as well do it right right away.
If I had known what's included in that check-up I doubt that I would have gotten it..holy freakin cow...
because we want to have kids, and the doctor knows about that,  I had to go to the lab for blood testing and pee testing etc..for I have no clue what kinda things..and at the doctors I had well a good cause offcourse but scary if it is the first time..my breast tested and the eumm privat thingy..with a huge thing of what i don't know the name, and don't need to know either it looks like a pelican  mouth or what ever..
I think I have been a rather brave 29 year old girl to go through all that that I hadn't have done before..
Yesterday I had to babysit and when I got out of bed I found it rather unusal that one of our cats wasn't there. really weird, because that one is alwasy there to wake you up after the alarmclock and wants to eat..and when I got home at about 10.30 am still no sign of Rover..so as Gerard didn't really go and look for him I went to start screaming around the house to see where he might be..checked the road on dead cats..NOTHING thank God..so I made a bigger round and guess what..all the way up in a tree was a little cat whining like a baby..
come on it's a CAT... why can't he come out of it..why on earth is he so very afraid ..he did climbe in on his own..so..you'd think out of it shouldn't be sucha problem..I guess he's been there for at least6 hours up in that tree.. so to make his treestay a bit shorter i called Gerard and he climbed in it like a monkey to say little kitty..when Gerard reached the cat the cat climbed on his shoulders and grabbed him so tight that he hurt Gerard..bu i think he was happy, the cat hasn't left the house since..besides that there isn't much going on at the moment..Gerard just left again for 5 days work..

ok it is sunday evening, haven't done much today..at least not as much as I wanted to. can't wait for tomorrow watching Craig again.I put him on automatic tune ..so I don't have to worry I'll miss seeing him in the late late show, unless I AM NOt AT HOME.. but that AIN'T  going to happen.

I've been thinking of what kind of job i'd love to do and searched on the internet what it available.. and I figured that there isn't really that much that I like to do, unless it has to do with audio in all sorts of ways..but specially the technical stuff like being in control of the mixing panels in concert halls or at a radio station is what my attention has at the moment..
so who knows..
I'll check out some places where I might get to learn a bit about that kinda stuff where I can put in some of my creativity..

did you know in Holland, well specially Amsterdam they have a rule now that cars build before 1992 are not allowed into the city anymore...
stupid...I KNOW... who thinks of things like that.. what if you have an old timer..say from 1975 or something... you can't drive into Amsterdam..

I have to admit that in a few ways it might be easier to go into the city by bus or train instead..but on the other hand they discriminate people with older cars..... and if you can't do without a car in the city they basically force you to buy a newer one......I think they are stupid money grabbing whining people  if they go on like that.. and even mopeds have to have some kinda filter on them just in case they leak bad stuff into the air...

take a look at Canada.. they seem to start caring about the environmental issues, though they still kill pole animals for their fur, and look at the gas sucking cars they drive in..big gas sucking V8 stuff...the bigger the better with gas prizes that go up now, I paid $1.05 a liter today..it is getting expensive, but if you look at the Netherlands, man up there the same gas is in euro's 1.50 ..that is in CAD  2.25 A LITER... so here it is still cheap what ever you drive..

now one more thing..one of the politics in Holland made a movie about the muslim Koran and what in his opinion is wrong with it and the interpretation people have in what it says.. he gets once again death threads and now the lets say big boss  doesn't want it out in the open, because he is scared for revenge and other dangerous actions.. like in London a few years back..I don't get it, "normal" in their country..

why do something that is against your own religion and believes..just to be sure that there won't be a fight  for now....

Hubby is on the road, driving his big truck, giving others the pleasure with his appearance and I think with the load he brings to them. I went to Church in the morning and had a coffee afterward..that is pretty standard already on sundays. and now I am sitting here letting my thoughts float where ever they want... and I can tell ya,, those really drift all over the place..
I need a smoke......that;s better..

a few months ago we had an discussion ( we've had the same one a few times before) about having kids..
I always had the feeling that for some reason I would love them but I didn't want to give up my freedom..
actually that is kinda stupid for my thing because those sweet lovin' dogs I have already stop me from doing all I want, though I wouldn't want to be without them, even if they are a pain in the ass at moments..but with kids I keep more freedom I think as I already have with dogs..cause it is easier to drag your kid where ever you want to go ( that is accepted) as that you drag your dogs everywhere( there are people that don't always like that.......stupid...I KNOW)
so after a good talk together and realizing it didn't matter where we live or what we do, and with the most sweet and honest answer I got from hubby ( YES I WANT KIDS WITH YOU, AND ONLY WITH YOU) we thought it was about time that we turned practicing into the real thing..
there is still that part in me that is scared like hell..with questions..WHAT IF...but I think that is human.....man I am human.. i think..

but as there are no real excuses not to try to get pregnant we give it a shot..I gotta say my mind is finding new excuses after a few months..specially with the thought of what kinda work I want to do and I seem to find things that you cannot have kids with..specially not at this moment because I don't really have physical support from hubby during his days at work.. I am on my own for 5 days in a row..
Thing is he blew that excuse out of the window by saying.. hun we will have our permanent residence soon and then I can do what ever I want or we do something together..so trust me I will be more at home as you might like..whahaha
at least that can give me more room to grow again cause he can watch the kids while I do what ever I want to do..

now I am in a fase that I will have my work permit soon..yessss....but what on earth would I like to do for a job..
I am babysitting a little 1 year old boy now..that is nice..but doesn't pay that well..but for now it is all extras ..so not bad..
but I won't continue doing that while there are loads of other well paying jobs waiting for me...
I have no clue though what I'd love to do.. I have some kinda degree in holland with the diploma ..for creating use full activities for disabled children or elderly people..but would I  want to do that here? I don't know...do I have to work with other people there like working together..would I want that,, my experiences with that weren't all too well in Holland..it scared me off big time..I usually have different thoughts about things..an whole other vision....would I want to work with elderly people...nahh..with disabled kids.. yes..but in the institution they have here or try to build my own business..like a bed and breakfast with adjustments for disabled people/kids..and next to that a small campground..and get to organize my own activities... well that sounds great..but it is a huge step...

then there is the thing that I'd love to do something with my creativity in a more selfish way..like I love music and play around with things to change it or make it better.. and I love singing..I might not be the best but I love it ..so should I follow that road to something for my own.. being an audio technisian and  get a recording studio running or what ever. work at a radio station..not bad dreams..
why on earth do I have that problem that I never seem to know what I want..too many dreams..and get stuck in some kinda weird restless feeling..
I had that feeling back in Holland too and deciding to make the big step of moving here wit hall that comes with it in an organizing way got me out of that,, so I wonder what will it take to get me out of it again...
What do I need to feel satisfied and at ease..

what adventure do I need.and what haven't i found yet to get it..

let me think of those things for a bit and maybe I'll find the answer sometime..
I'll let you know..

oh btw
am I the only restless person like that,

C

now since we've been on the other side of a lot of water..I have to say that we are doing great.
most of the family lives in The Netherlands and we haven't really missed them, though we truly look forward to seeing them again in March.
me being such a mommy girl,  till we moved going there for a coffee at least twice a week..yeah I know we were almost neighbors...now being about 10.000 km away it is weird that I haven't got homesick ..actually I don't really miss The Netherlands at all with their rules and regulations...actually I think they have way too many and as there isn't anything left, they go looking for more tiny whiny things to get the people worried and thinking..what in fact they don't have to do because everything will be done for you..but in the slow working attitude of the government... talk about governments..it really doesn't matter where you go, to which country you move..governments are all the same..they are usually busy with emptying their noses..and scratching their buts out of boredom .... .......I know....

you might think now..why on earth did you move to Canada of all places..
well let me tell you this.. we have been thinking of moving for a long long time.. imo maybe too long but finally after trying and thinking of Sweden and Norway..we decided to go to Canada because here for us it would  ( future ) easier to change our lives to what we actually want. and what seems right for us..

now that can be a lot of things, but the main part is that for my hubby it will be way easier to get a job out of the trucking business here..as it is in Holland.. he's a little older than me and didn't really finish school. so in Holland he should take a whole new study with a doubtable future..where here it is way easier to get a job at his age without people complaining....

so basically where it comes to in the end ..is to get a decent job and be home more often..or maybe if our luck stays with us for a bit more ..business for ourselves..like a campground..that in the future might be specialized for all sorts of disabled  kids.

so we will dream on for a bit more and get things started and running to a new life in a whole new country..

and don't forget to watch Craig Ferguson again after the weekend... too bad he isn't on tv during the weekend.. that would make life a lot easier and laughable for me while hubby is on the slippery roads...

love y'all

 It is not that I don't like my blogspot, but I'd love to try this journal for a change..
mainly because i think it is easier for my friends to leave a reaction..
for previous posts about us getting ready and going to Canada see


C

I have to say that I have found a new lovely entertaining man on tv. who makes me laugh before bedtime..
and I am going to see him in Edmonton in June.. MR CRAIG FERGUSON...